Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in destinys_muse's LiveJournal:

Saturday, August 6th, 2005
11:25 am	You scored as Harry Potter. You can be a little reckless and hot-headed at times, but a more brave and courageous friend would be hard to find. </td> Harry Potter 85% Hermione Granger 75% Ginny Weasley 70% Albus Dumbledore 70% Severus Snape 65% Ron Weasley 55% Remus Lupin 55% Sirius Black 50% Draco Malfoy 45% Lord Voldemort 30% Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...? created with QuizFarm.com
Sunday, June 5th, 2005
12:32 pm	if only if i had $287.80 i could make it to girls state but alas i have to hit the dentist....so sad. hope they have fun without me
Friday, April 29th, 2005
10:37 pm	guys suck well if you're done you're done and i guess i can't change that. ykno it doesn't seem like you understand and i guess i can't expect much because even i can't explain it in an understandable manner. my life really has spun out of control, what was supposed to be fixed by leaving oregon has only been magnified and the things that were good have just gone bad. work is hard to find because in nevada you have to be 21 to do anything and the fact that i'm leaving for three weeks makes it hard. and then it sucks because that also meansthat i can't take off a week for you to visit which is just plain painful. also adding the fact that i can't go to girls state. the sole reason i am even alive today. my brother is an alcoholic and has spent time in prison because of it. and now he is hitting the bottom of the barrel again and his kids are being hurt and i can't do anything about it and it sucks. and at the same time you're up there drinking what seems to be every other day with your friends because i can't make you happy and that scares me. on top of it all one of my best friends moms died and i didn't even know because i was so worried about my own mother. and hes not talking to me so i'm walking about with guilt mounds of it. i have applied everywhere in town and i still got something that sucks. i feel like i'm 12 because i'm still borrowing my mom's car because my dad is a douche and never bought me one like he did for everyone else. so i feel like shit and my life sucks. so much so that i applied to cruise lines knowing that if i got hired i would have to give up my trip to alabama but not caring because thats how much i want to get away from it all because i feel like crap. i feel like a huge failure in life and there is no one to help me get through anything because even as much as you want to help you still have 100% support from your family while i'm thinking about getting another job or two because my mom will soon be going so far into debt and i know shes going to need help. i don't have the things you do. i want to send you things and call you and always tell you g'night and fall asleep with the phone to my ear like i have so many times but i can't. i'm broke my mom is broke, my whole family is poor. i can't afford to bput myself in a position of overdrafting because i want to prove to you that i love you. i don't have a rich aunt and uncle that can bail me out if i get into trouble. i can't think of a way to prove to you that i support you or love you and maybe its because again i'm just a failure. Current Mood: pissed off
Sunday, April 17th, 2005
10:22 pm	Thank God Someone Understands In the words of Ted Nugent: To show you how radical I am, I want carjackers dead. I want rapists dead. I want burglars dead. I want child molesters dead. I want the bad guys dead. No court case. No parole. No early release. I want 'em dead. Get a gun and when they attack you, shoot 'em.
Thursday, April 14th, 2005
10:41 pm	Sensitive Topic how to you approach someone with a sensitive topic? someone who hasn't talked to you in months for something you didn't do? see my friend won't talk to me because our mutual friend visited me at school and didn't tell him about it. therefore i am subject to hatred as well. but my friends mom died, almost two weeks ago...and i didn't know. i've been so worried about my mom that i didn't know. i didn't read the initial article. i had no clue. now i feel wretched moreso than before. he has drinking problems..18 in college. and now they will only get worse.....i just dunno what to do. i want to let him know that i'm here for him if he needs anything but seriously how can you tell someone that after not talking for so long?
Thursday, April 7th, 2005
11:22 pm	Kyle Remembered I remember the January day like it was yesterday. I went to school and everyone was just weird, there was a lot of tension in the air. My friend and I walked into the building as the bell rang, went to our lockers and continued to Mrs. Wattula's Spanish class. We all stood in the doorway talking until Ms. Kane the counselor came to speak with her. Then we saw Brooke walk by crying. I've known Brooke since we were six, and I knew that she was having a pregnancy scare -- I thought she had gotten her results. THen the bell rand and class began. Mrs. Wattula came back as we anticipate doughnut day. But today was different, she was crying. That is when she told us that Kyle had died. He had been driving home with his mom and sister from SLC and was thrown from the vehicle because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt. I remember shock and disbelief, anger, tears, pain, and hugs. It was a horrific day and all I did was cry. There were fights because the seventh graders didn't know why we were crying. Some kid said that he deserved to die which got him a royal ass kicking. THen seventh period came...all sports were cancelled. Mr. Cannon called me into his office. HE had written an announcement to be read and wanted me to read it over the intercom. IT was one of the hardest thins I have ever had to do in my life. I read those words as tears rolled down my cheeks, and I kept the paper they were written on. WHen I was finished and walked out of the office two of Kyle's best friends were standing there staring at me, and automatically it was like we had a connections. I called home and told my mom that she had to come get me that I didn't have basketball practice, because Kyle had died. SHe was busy so she sent my brother without telling him why. He drove me home by the funeral home and the cemetary and couldn't understand why I burst into tears. I remember being so sad and so hurt because I had lost my friend. We weren't great friends I don't mean to blur that idea but Kyle truly was a great guy. He was definitely one of the more popular bunch while I, well I definitely was not. However, one day at lunch I selected a deli sandwhich and since I do not like mayonaisse I put mustard on it. Kyle was beside me and looked at me with his big eyes and cocked eyebrow and said, "Ewww, you like mustard? You're mustard girl." It wasn't offensive in fact it was funny. Everyday after that Kyle would see me in the hall or in class and say "Hey Mustard Girl." ONe day I was in really bad shape for some reason or another and he came up to me, put his arm around my shoulders, and asked me if I was ok. Most of the people he hung out with didn't know my name and if they did they wouldn't admit to it. But not Kyle, he took the time to ask me if I was alright. And that is the story I told in a letter I wrote to his family. I still think of him when I hear "Pretty fly for a white guy" or see a hippo, or think of my spanish class. He was a great guy and with the recent passing of NIcole Wilson I am reminded of that pain. IT is a struggle but something that we all experience at one time or another. Since that day I have never ridden in a car without my seatbelt and I hope that others see the importance of it now too. Something so small and inconceivable can take a life. God bless to all. Love and peace and may you all find comfort in knowing that loved ones are resting. Current Mood: pensive Current Music: I Hope You Had the Time of Your Life
Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
10:53 pm	damn Hmm what to write. I hate when I feel like I have so many things to say but that I just don't know where to start. Then I end up rambling about nothing and not actually purging any ideas which was the original intent of starting to write. Either way I guess I have to start somewhere: My mom might die Friday. My mom thinks everything is a big joke and has brushed off chest pains for the last year. Finally two weeks ago my mom was in the hospital and I was in Oregon. Of course it reestablished why I wanted to transfer home, at least a part of why. However, I just can't stand the idea that I might lose her. She has to go through a million tests and she is insisting on doing it alone. I hate that. I don't know what I would do without her, I would have no one. All of my siblings are married with extended families but me, I would be out in the cold with no where to go. I would have nothing left and I'm not sure I could handle it. I have transferred schools and I can't help but feel like a failure. I know my old university sucked: I spent an hour learning how to write and essay, something I did in the third grade. I feel like my IQ drops everytime I sit in class. I can't stand the hippies, the drugs, the crazy drunken freshmen puking outside my door. I hated working for a sex offender and a department that didn't care and couldn't make things decent to live in or work for. But still I'm back in my hometown and taking a few months off feeling like a failure. I moved home, 600 miles away from my boyfriend. The first guy I have every actually seriously considered dating. I thought it would be ok that I would rebound and jump back into the dating pool--- I don't want to. I want him, to be with him, and I miss him. The last 4 days are the first we've spent apart since February when I flew home for a family emergency. I just miss him and hope that it works out for both our sakes. Thats all, I doubt anyone reads this but at least I've purged some ideas and feelings somewhere. Current Mood: depressed
Wednesday, March 16th, 2005
11:57 pm	no drama for you! Sorry, you don't have enough friends for good drama! dunno if thats good or bad :(
Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
2:48 am	dissappointment I've realized why i hate my job. its because i am dissappointed in some way everyday. i'm to oversee hall councils that meet once a week. my hc president in one sectin is 23 i'm 20. he thinks hes god. he lost an RA spot to a 22 year old and now hes butt hurt. asshole. so instead of dealing with it like a man he takes it out on me. i'm a bad irc exec. i'm a horrible person. he's not having hall council because he wants to go downtown to drink and doesn't trust this other girl to run the meeting why because its not him and that takes his power away from him. i just with he;s buck up and deal with it. he said he didn't want to be as involved this term so his grades didn't fall but obviously it doesn't matter because hes going out drinking on a sunday. i just know they all have so much potential and none of them will do anything and i feel like its my fault that they aren't motivated. but i truly have done all that i can think of and its starting to piss me off. i hate it so much! why? oy well i just needed to put thought into word. g'night Current Mood: annoyed
Thursday, December 23rd, 2004
10:54 pm	Llama http://www.rgj.com/news/stories/html/2004/12/22/88199.php?sps=rgj.com&sch=LocalNews&sp1=rgj&sp2=News&sp3=Local+News&sp5=RGJ.com&sp6=news&sp7=local_news its really bad when the only thing to do in your hometown is stab a llama to death multiple times.
Monday, December 20th, 2004
12:11 pm	Merry F'in Christmas Merry Christmas one and all. I really hate doing holiday speacials of any kind but frankly I’m pissed off at all the neo-yuppie scumbags hell bent on removing the Christmas Spirit from the Christmas Season. Every year around the holiday some jackoff has to go complaining to some court about how he hates christmas and how theres some manger scene with Baby Jesus offending him at some local school. Well who the fuck cares? If someone decides to toss a Baby Jesus on the front lawn during the holiday what's the fucking problem? And that’s another thing. You know how public schools used to have Christmas plays and shit like that? They don’t do that anymore! And if they do they remove all the songs that have any reference to religion in them. No Silent Night, no Joy to the World, and no fucking Little Drummer Bastard. These are the same type of "institutions" that tell you to be tolerant of everyone else's beliefs but try to beat every hint of good ol’ St. Nick out of Christmas. How can anyone be offended by a fat guy who gives out free stuff? What? Are we all pissed at Santa because he's fat and happy and perfectly content with his image? Its like all these neo-yuppies want to give him an inferiority complex and put him on a fucking Fatkins Diet. And that’s why I like Santa. Because he's a fat bastard, works one day a year, is actually happy, and eats all the cookies he wants. He rewards the good and punishes the guilty. Kinda like a vigilante with gifts. Hehehe. And just so you know where I’m coming from I’m not one of these preachy religious fanatics, I don’t go to church, and I couldn’t care less about humanities issues with the various gods they worship. I just want Christmas to be Christmas. Without some fucking jackass telling me not to sing Christmas songs because it has religious overtones. Leave the Christmas folk alone. Tis the season to shut the fuck up and stop being a whiny little bitch! Stop ruining the holidays you neo-yuppie scumbag; or I’ll beat you with a Baby Jesus. So, Merry Christmas one and all and I don’t care who says what. Believe in the power of Santa, or get nothing. Muahaha. You're gonna get coal in your stocking, because you're yuppie scum. Just means more presents for me. Keep Pissin Santa off. *Thanks Foamy*